What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
