i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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