I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
