operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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