I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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