Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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