It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
