you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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