he puts the penis in happiness.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
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And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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