Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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