I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
