i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
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Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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