I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
