My nipple is on Facebook.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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