So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
