When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
