Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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