the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
