Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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