I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
