I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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