That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
