I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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