it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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