Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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