She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
