you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
