You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
