we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
