I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
