just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
