so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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