i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
