I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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