If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
