how can u be prego again
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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