On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
