Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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