just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
