Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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