If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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