$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
