just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
