if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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