Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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