Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
