just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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