Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
