you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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