I am in a vortex of obligation.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
