mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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