Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
