We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
