I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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