So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
