I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
