i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
