Rock
Scissors
Fuck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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