Welp...herpes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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