We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
