i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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