i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
