i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's official drugs can't kill me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
