and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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