yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
