party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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